Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

[Michael Domitrz <>]

I agree with Marilyn's comments overall.  I just want to make sure  
everyone on the ListServe is thinking about the RESPONSE of the  
students when you take an approach.

In most states, you canNOT give consent if you are drunk.  Legally,  
two people engaging in "drunk sex" is a sexual assault.  You are  
correct that many, many juries and judicial boards ignore this portion  
of the law in sexual assault cases. They often BLAME THE WOMAN EVEN  
MORE for being drunk than they blame the partner for "Taking  
Advantage" of her (even when they know the partner was much more sober  
than the drunk woman who was taken advantage of).  That is one the  
reasons the drunk driving analogy is very dangerous to use.

The only way I believe in using the drunk driving analogy is in  
BYSTANDER INTERVENTION.  You see 2 drunks friends about to get in a  
car and drive home.  Do you intervene?  Almost every student says, "OF  
COURSE!"  You see 2 drunk friends about to leave to have sex at one of  
their apartments, do you intervene?  Now the same students says, "OF  
COURSE NOT."  Why not?  "Because that is none of my business."  Why  
was it your business if they choose to drunk drive?  "Because someone  
could get killed or hurt?"  Is there a strong risk that 2 drunk people  
hooking-up could be in danger -- sti, stds, pregnancy, and/or sexual  
assault? Yea, but . . .    The only difference is that you THINK about  
the consequences of friends drunk driving because you've been taught  
that lesson since elementary school.  You have not been taught to see  
the consequences of drunk hook-ups.  See the consequences to your  
friends being in danger BEFORE it happens.

I agree with you that there is no "MAGICAL SENTENCE" to say to  
students to get these points across.  For this very reason, we have to  
be careful and deliberate with how we promote these conversations.  We  
need to be engaging students in detail to address all their obstacles  
and objections to fully understanding the issue.

Mike Domitrz, CSP
The Date Safe Project
"Teaching Boundaries, Respect, & Sexual Assault Awareness for  
Teenagers & Young Adults."

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