Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

["Chris Kilmartin (ckilmart)" <>]

I would tell him/her that what is being described is an unacknowledged sexual assault victim.  It is not unusual for a victim to self-justify so that she doesn’t have to deal with the implications of being a victim, and there is some research that this denial complicates recovery.  Trauma scrambles the brain and it sometimes takes a while to recognize what actually happened and its implications.

 

I do think that there is a gray area between sexual assault and a fully respectful consent, but this isn’t it.   And by gray area, I mean that someone pressures someone else into it, or conveniently leaves out information that will allow the other person to make an informed consent (such as I have a girlfriend) or consent is obtained by lying to the person such as telling the person you love her when in fact you have no feelings for her.  If you obtain consent through lying, it’s not legally sexual  assault but it’s very disrespectful, obviously.  When I talk about consent I talk about not only the minimal but the aspirational: what does a  fully respectful relationship look like?  We should not be setting the bar at “don’t rape.”  College men are capable of much better and we should communicate that we expect more of them.

 

A student of mine from a few years back gave me a great definition of pressure: “If I say no and you ask again, that’s pressure.”

 

Hope this is helpful.

 

Chris

 

 

Christopher Kilmartin, Ph.D.

Professor of Psychology

University of Mary Washington

1301 College Ave.

Fredericksburg, VA 22401

5406541562

chriskilmartin.com

 

 

 

From: Felty, Wade P. [mailto:]
Sent: Wednesday, September 17, 2014 9:08 AM
To: ;
Subject: TotalSororityMove article

 

Colleagues,

 

One of my student peer educators showed this to me and doesn’t know what to make of it or how to respond to the things it talks about. Have you seen this? What would you tell someone?

 

http://totalsororitymove.com/is-it-possible-that-there-is-something-in-between-consensual-sex-and-rape-and-that-it-happens-to-almost-every-girl-out-there/

 

 

Wade

 

Wade Felty

Wade Felty

Office of Residence Life & Housing and Judicial Affairs

Randolph-Macon College

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