Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

[Angela DiNunzio Seguin <>]

Linda, great suggestion!  That sounds like "primary prevention"!

 

I would add these affirmative statements to your list:

• No one "asks" to be raped.
• If a person goes back to your room with you, it means they want to spend time with you(that's all.)
• Asking for consent, and respecting the answer, is sexy!

• Silence≠Consent

This semester we developed a new program focussed on how students ask each other for sex/consent.  It's been a wild ride -- truly startling how many students admit that they don't ask at all, they think eye contact & body language is enough to communicate, or their ways of asking or completely unclear or use cultural slang which doesn't work if their partner is unfamiliar.  At our program we gave a half-sheet handout at the end providing 4 lists:

• Ways to Ask for Sex/Consent
• Verbal signals that indicate you may not have consent
• Non-verbal expressions of "no"
• Ways to check things out

And some of the key messages of the program were:

• people can change their minds
• sex without consent is sexual assault
• for your own & your partner's safety, make sure your question is verbal, clear, and that your partner understands what is being asked
• for your own & your partner's safety, make sure you understand & respect the answer you receive - without a clear, verbal response, you may not have consent

• Silence≠Consent

It's a work in progress, but so far we have been happy with this new approach.  We continue to update and refine our programming efforts, attempting to do more and more primary prevention work.  

 

Angela

Angela DiNunzio Seguin
Program Coordinator 
S.O.S. (Sexual Offense Support)
Wellspring: Student Wellness Program
University of Delaware
(302) 831-3457
http://www.udel.edu/wellspring

---- Original message ----

Date: Thu, 11 Nov 2010 21:15:27 -0500
From: "Langford, Linda" <>
Subject: RE: "Stop Blaming the Victim" sticker for April
To: Ben Atherton Zeman <>, "" <>, "" <>, "" <>
Cc: "" <>, "" <>, "'Women's Resource and Action Centers'" <>

So many people really believe
the “blame the victim” statements, I’m afraid that restating
them would serve to reinforce rather than challenge them. (I’m thinking
of some research I read about “myths and facts” suggesting that
people misremember myths as facts, partly because they see them written out. That’s
really gotten me thinking about how we present messages in the field.)

 

So -- just brainstorming, here --
I wonder about an approach that rewords the victim-blaming statements in a way
that challenges them directly. People will still recognize the underlying belief/myth,
but this way they are explicitly presented as false.

 

For example (behind the slogan “Stop
Blaming the Victim”):

It wasn’t her wardrobe choices.

Kissing him didn’t give him permission to rape her.

What “situation” does a person “put themselves
in” that signals their agreement to be raped?

Her self-esteem is irrelevant.

They said to go out with a friend – and she did.

Here’s what happened: HE CHOSE to rape her.

 

Maybe those aren’t the right statements (and they’re
mostly hetero, and one is too long), but from a communications standpoint it
seems like these *types* of statements might have less likely to be misunderstood
as support for victim-blaming.

 

Linda Langford

 

 

Linda Langford, Sc.D.

Associate Center Director,
Higher Education Center for Alcohol, Drug Abuse, and Violence Prevention

www.HigherEdCenter.org

Evaluation Scientist, Suicide
Prevention Resource Center (SPRC)

www.sprc.org/

55 Chapel Street, Newton,
MA  02458-1060

voice (800) 676-1730 x2719 OR
(617) 618-2719 (direct line)

fax (617) 928-1537

 

From: Ben Atherton Zeman
[mailto:]
Sent: Thursday, November 11, 2010 11:39 AM
To: ; ;

Cc: ; ;
'Women's Resource and Action Centers'
Subject: "Stop Blaming the Victim" sticker for April

 

Good morning, friends!

 

I’m designing another bumper sticker that says
“Stop Blaming the Victim.”  Behind those words are a
background of victim-blaming statements.  This sticker will be teal, for
Sexual Assault Awareness Month – the statements blame the victims of
sexual assault for what happened to them.

 

Some of the statements are direct quotes I’ve heard
from survivors, or those who blame them.  I’ve tried to make the
statements “other-blame” as well as “self-blame,” from
both a male and female perspective, from hetero and GLBTQ.  This is what I
have so far:

 

1. I’d never put myself
   in that situation.
   
2. She shouldn’t have
   been drinking.
   
3. He shouldn’t have
   been taking drugs.
   
4. Why did I agree to go up
   to his room?
   
5. I shouldn’t have
   agreed to let him in.
   
6. I should have said
   “no” more forcefully.
   
7. You shouldn’t have
   led him on like that!
   
8. She has low self-esteem
   – that’s why she gets herself in these situations.
   
9. It’s not that big of
   a deal.
   
10. Why was she wearing that
    outfit?
    
11. She had sex with him
    before.
    
12. He made out with the guy
    – what did he expect would happen?
    
13. She flirted with her all
    night – what did she expect would happen?
    

 

What other (short) victim-blaming statements should I put on
the sticker?  What else have YOU heard that blames victims of sexual
violence? 

 

If I use your suggestion, you get four free stickers once
they get printed.  I’ll also be reprinting the purple “Stop
Blaming the Victim” sticker with statements that blame victims of
domestic/dating violence.

 

Many thanks – let’s keep raising our voices
until the violence stops!

 

Ben Atherton-Zeman: Feminist, actor, husband

Presenting a one-man anti-violence play “Voices of
Men.”  Clips available at http://www.voicesofmen.org, booking info at
978-897-3619.

 

Quote of the month, November 2010: “If
y ou rape a child who is a stranger and get caught, you will probably go to
jail.  If you rape your own child and get caught, you will probably get
custody.”  - Garland Waller, http://www.smalljustice.com.  See
Garland, myself and many others at the Battered Mother’s Custody
Conference in Albany this January 7-9, http://www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org/