Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

[Katie Gentile <>]

a perfect end to another annoying day in prevention-land.

well done Monica. This is hilarious and useful.
Can I use, citing you as author?

Katie Gentile, Ph.D.
Associate Professor, Counseling and Gender Studies
Women's Center Director
Deputy Director, Gender Studies Program
John Jay College of Criminal Justice
445 W. 59th Street
NY, NY  10019   212-237-8110
http://tinyurl.com/Creating-Bodies
________________________________________
From: Monica Collins 
[]
Sent: Wednesday, November 17, 2010 4:55 PM
To: Harrington, Rebecca 
<()>;
 Angela DiNunzio Seguin; Langford, Linda; Ben Atherton Zeman; 
;
 
;
 

Cc: 
;
 
;
 Women's Resource and Action Centers
Subject: Re: "Stop Blaming the Victim" sticker for April

thanks for all of the great dialog... i love being on listservs during these 
types of brainstorming sessions because i always end up learning something 
new!

in the interest of sharing, i have attached a PDF that has a list of 
"prevention" strategies.  its only loosely related to the current topic of 
conversation and i know that many of you might have already seen similar 
lists over the years.

i created the brochure as a sarcastic tongue-and-cheek way to enter into the 
conversation about "prevention". (creating it was also great therapy for the 
frustration that comes with facing constant resistance to the work we do!) im 
open to feedback or suggestions.

thanks for all that you do....
m.


Monica Collins


________________________________
From: "Harrington, Rebecca 
()"
 
<>
To: Angela DiNunzio Seguin 
<>;
 "Langford, Linda" 
<>;
 Ben Atherton Zeman 
<>;
 
""
 
<>;
 
""
 
<>;
 
""
 
<>
Cc: 
""
 
<>;
 
""
 
<>;
 Women's Resource and Action Centers 
<>
Sent: Wed, November 17, 2010 12:09:41 PM
Subject: RE: "Stop Blaming the Victim" sticker for April

Greetings all,
I’ve been processing in the back of my head now for a week of many of the 
things that were posted in regards to the sticker and other posts made to 
these email lists.  I’ve started working on a t-shirt design. I’m putting a 
link to the artwork in its current draft as I’m sure many of these email 
lists won’t allow attachments and I certainly don’t want to overload anyone’s 
server.

Here’s the link: 
http://www.oneonta.edu/development/wellness/handouts/endrape.pdf

The top graphic on the page is what I envision printing on the front. The 
rest I would put on the back. I did still include the myths, in a smaller 
type face and crossed out. My reasoning behind including them, crossing them 
out and following them up with an educated retort is to educate the shirt’s 
wearer & reader on how to respond to myths when they hear them.

If you have ideas on how to improve please let me know, I’ll happily make the 
artwork available to anyone who can use it. My current thought is to have 
some made up and give them to any student who wants to make a donation to our 
local community SA program.

Thanks, can’t wait to read what you all think.

Rebecca Harrington
SUNY Oneonta

From: Angela DiNunzio Seguin 
[mailto:]
Sent: Friday, November 12, 2010 10:06 AM
To: Langford, Linda; Ben Atherton Zeman; 
;
 
;
 

Cc: 
;
 
;
 'Women's Resource and Action Centers'
Subject: RE: "Stop Blaming the Victim" sticker for April

Linda, great suggestion!  That sounds like "primary prevention"!

I would add these affirmative statements to your list:

 *   No one "asks" to be raped.
 *   If a person goes back to your room with you, it means they want to spend 
time with you(that's all.)
 *   Asking for consent, and respecting the answer, is sexy!
 *   Silence≠Consent
This semester we developed a new program focussed on how students ask each 
other for sex/consent.  It's been a wild ride -- truly startling how many 
students admit that they don't ask at all, they think eye contact & body 
language is enough to communicate, or their ways of asking or completely 
unclear or use cultural slang which doesn't work if their partner is 
unfamiliar.  At our program we gave a half-sheet handout at the end providing 
4 lists:

 *   Ways to Ask for Sex/Consent
 *   Verbal signals that indicate you may not have consent
 *   Non-verbal expressions of "no"
 *   Ways to check things out

And some of the key messages of the program were:

 *   people can change their minds
 *   sex without consent is sexual assault
 *   for your own & your partner's safety, make sure your question is verbal, 
clear, and that your partner understands what is being asked
 *   for your own & your partner's safety, make sure you understand & respect 
the answer you receive - without a clear, verbal response, you may not have 
consent
 *   Silence≠Consent
It's a work in progress, but so far we have been happy with this new 
approach.  We continue to update and refine our programming efforts, 
attempting to do more and more primary prevention work.

Angela

Angela DiNunzio Seguin

Program Coordinator

S.O.S. (Sexual Offense Support)

Wellspring: Student Wellness Program

University of Delaware

(302) 831-3457

http://www.udel.edu/wellspring





---- Original message ----
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 2010 21:15:27 -0500
From: "Langford, Linda" 
<>
Subject: RE: "Stop Blaming the Victim" sticker for April
To: Ben Atherton Zeman 
<>,
 
""
 
<>,
 
""
 
<>,
 
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<>
Cc: 
""
 
<>,
 
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<>,
 "'Women's Resource and Action Centers'" 
<>














So many people really believe
the “blame the victim” statements, I’m afraid that restating
them would serve to reinforce rather than challenge them. (I’m thinking
of some research I read about “myths and facts” suggesting that
people misremember myths as facts, partly because they see them written out. 
That’s
really gotten me thinking about how we present messages in the field.)



So -- just brainstorming, here --
I wonder about an approach that rewords the victim-blaming statements in a way
that challenges them directly. People will still recognize the underlying 
belief/myth,
but this way they are explicitly presented as false.



For example (behind the slogan “Stop
Blaming the Victim”):

It wasn’t her wardrobe choices.

Kissing him didn’t give him permission to rape her.

What “situation” does a person “put themselves
in” that signals their agreement to be raped?

Her self-esteem is irrelevant.

They said to go out with a friend – and she did.

Here’s what happened: HE CHOSE to rape her.



Maybe those aren’t the right statements (and they’re
mostly hetero, and one is too long), but from a communications standpoint it
seems like these *types* of statements might have less likely to be 
misunderstood
as support for victim-blaming.



Linda Langford






Linda Langford, Sc.D.

Associate Center Director,
Higher Education Center for Alcohol, Drug Abuse, and Violence Prevention

www.HigherEdCenter.org

Evaluation Scientist, Suicide
Prevention Resource Center (SPRC)

www.sprc.org/<http://www.sprc.org/55>

55 Chapel Street, Newton,
MA  02458-1060

voice (800) 676-1730 x2719 OR
(617) 618-2719 (direct line)

fax (617) 928-1537






From: Ben Atherton Zeman
[mailto:]
Sent: Thursday, November 11, 2010 11:39 AM
To: 
;
 
;

Cc: 
;
 
;
'Women's Resource and Action Centers'
Subject: "Stop Blaming the Victim" sticker for April





Good morning, friends!



I’m designing another bumper sticker that says
“Stop Blaming the Victim.”  Behind those words are a
background of victim-blaming statements.  This sticker will be teal, for
Sexual Assault Awareness Month – the statements blame the victims of
sexual assault for what happened to them.



Some of the statements are direct quotes I’ve heard
from survivors, or those who blame them.  I’ve tried to make the
statements “other-blame” as well as “self-blame,” from
both a male and female perspective, from hetero and GLBTQ.  This is what I
have so far:





 1.  I’d never put myself
in that situation.
 2.  She shouldn’t have
been drinking.
 3.  He shouldn’t have
been taking drugs.
 4.  Why did I agree to go up
to his room?
 5.  I shouldn’t have
agreed to let him in.
 6.  I should have said
“no” more forcefully.
 7.  You shouldn’t have
led him on like that!
 8.  She has low self-esteem
– that’s why she gets herself in these situations.
 9.  It’s not that big of
a deal.
 10. Why was she wearing that
outfit?
 11. She had sex with him
before.
 12. He made out with the guy
– what did he expect would happen?
 13. She flirted with her all
night – what did she expect would happen?



What other (short) victim-blaming statements should I put on
the sticker?  What else have YOU heard that blames victims of sexual
violence?



If I use your suggestion, you get four free stickers once
they get printed.  I’ll also be reprinting the purple “Stop
Blaming the Victim” sticker with statements that blame victims of
domestic/dating violence.



Many thanks – let’s keep raising our voices
until the violence stops!



Ben Atherton-Zeman: Feminist, actor, husband

Presenting a one-man anti-violence play “Voices of
Men.”  Clips available at 
http://www.voicesofmen.org<http://www.voicesofmen.org/>, booking info at
978-897-3619.



Quote of the month, November 2010: “If
y ou rape a child who is a stranger and get caught, you will probably go to
jail.  If you rape your own child and get caught, you will probably get
custody.”  - Garland Waller, 
http://www.smalljustice.com<http://www.smalljustice.com/>.  See
Garland, myself and many others at the Battered Mother’s Custody
Conference in Albany this January 7-9, 
http://www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org/