Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

["Shaffer, Jyl (shaffej2)" <>]

Ellen,

 

I’ve had those students as well, and I consider several things.

 

First, how long since the incident has it been? Understanding “toxic masculinity” is something I’m always learning more on, and I’ve been doing violence prevention and response work for 12 years. I would be concerned about having a student who has likely only recently learned of the concept to want to start campus groups, etc. Just like I have mentors who both teach me and hold me accountable, that student should have that as well.

 

On this same note, if their victim is still a part of your community (consider alumni involvement as part of your community), it could absolutely be inappropriate for that student to become a part of that work on your campus.

 

And, certainly, there is the issue of being too close to the experience. Many community and campus programs assess each person who wants to volunteer when they disclose victimization, not because survivors can’t do this work (quite the opposite) but because they may be too triggered still by someone else’s story, unable to listen without making each interaction about processing their own experience, etc. This is true as well for someone who has been found responsible, had an a-ha moment, and wants to get involved.

 

Second, is the student framing societal issues (such as toxic masculinity) as the cause of their behavior, or are they owning their actions? We see this often in the social justice/advocacy world when one of our own is engaging in abusive behavior- they will blame a complex society issue (unconscious bias for their racism, toxic masculinity for their partner abuse, etc.) rather than owning their action. I’ve seen speakers who are praised for their “frank discussion” of their past behavior, but when you really listen it’s them blaming society for why the engaged in their actions. It’s a subtle version of victim blaming, but it’s effect is just as dangerous. If the student is framing their action as a result of the societal issue, then I would say they are not ready to engage in prevention work.

 

And finally, do I have someone who is attempting to game the system? When I ran a shelter I always had abusive people call asking to volunteer. In conversation it would become clear that the person was trying to prove a point to their friends, family, colleagues, etc. that they were not abusive, and were trying to use my agency to prove it. They usually wouldn’t admit that, but it would become clear as we talked about their interest. These individuals can do a great deal of damage to both victim services, prevention work, and your Title IX work on campus.

 

If they are interested in these issues and wanting to make a difference I would encourage the student to go to training, to learn how to make (in this case because you used male pronouns) his spaces feminist rather than ask to be invited into feminist spaces, and to spend more time in counseling to work through why he made the decisions that he did. If he pushed back I would tell him that people blame society all the time, so if he wants to be engaged in this work he has to be extremely self-aware so that he doesn’t inadvertently reinforce someone who wants to blame society rather than their own actions.

 

Hope that helps,

 

 

Jyl Shaffer

Title IX Coordinator

University of Cincinnati

Office: (513) 556-3349

Edwards I Suite 3115

45 Corry Blvd

Cincinnati OH 45221

www.uc.edu/titleix

Pronouns: she, her, hers

 

 

From: Ellen Collier [mailto:]
Sent: Thursday, February 04, 2016 9:00 AM
To:
Subject: Working with perpetrators

 

Good morning all,

I have recently had a perpetrator (who was found guilty in the criminal system) approach me about wanting to "do something".  He wants to be able to contribute to addressing gender-based violence and expressed particular interest in wanting to share his story so other men got a "real life" example of toxic masculinity and how that can have such a violent outcome.

As a result of our conversations over the last few months, I do truly believe he wants to do something good, but I am struggling to identity what that "something" might be that does not also place survivors in an unsafe space.  We have a peer education program he applied for, but I could not select him due to his criminal record.  His case is easily looked up on the web and the last thing I want is for someone - anyone - to feel unsafe at one of our events or educational programs.

I supposed what I'm asking is if anyone has any suggestions on how to meaningfully engage this young man that could help with his continued growth while at the same time supporting the movement to end gender-based violence.  Any suggestions you have are appreciated!

Ellen

Ellen Lassiter Collier

Diversity & Community Involvement

Women's Resource Center Coordinator

340M Student Center

734.487.0364