Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

["Staten, Abdul" <>]

This is a very good conversation for professionals in this field – a true dialogue where everyone’s perspectives are shared, and not demonized! So thank you, Ellen, for starting a dialogue we must have. The sad reality is that perpetrators will find themselves in our institutions and organizations, and we will be sought to offer help, assistance, or counseling.

 

I had a similar predicament as you, Eileen. I had been approached by an administration at my institution, who was looking to do some educational programming for a student who was found responsible for violating our sexual misconduct policy. They turned to me, I suspect, because I am a male and have been outspoken about getting men to become part of the solution.

 

Both sides have merit, here. After careful consideration, though, I’ve fallen on the side of not accepting the opportunity to do the educational work with the student. For a couple of reasons: 1) I did not want survivors to perceive me as working with, partnering with, or anyway having a relationship with someone who has perpetrated sexual or dating violence. This, in my mind, would make survivors less likely to trust me and our department. Since our department works on behalf of survivors, it felt like a conflict of interest. 2) Given the research we have about perpetrators, we know they are adept at getting people to like them and seeing them as “good guys”. Then, when an assault happens, the “good guy” persona reigns and attacks are made against the survivor, instead of holding the perpetrator accountable. Despite my best efforts to hold up guard, I’d be wary that I could be used, manipulated, or played. 3) Worse, I was concerned that the offender could take the information I gave and use it to his advantage to commit assault against someone else. Simply said – I didn’t want someone to learn how to get away with rape because they attended a consent work or bystander training that I ran. 4) The last point/issue I see here is with regard to where we place our resources and focus. If we give this person a platform to talk about how they changed, it certainly could be used to help influence other guys. But, would that, in turn, take away from the great work we are doing at our institutions? It’d be akin to hiring an outside motivational speaker to run your student training – a onetime pep talk that brushes over the substantive matters. He becomes the person everyone comes to see, never mind the years of good work you’ve put into prevention.

 

I like the idea of recording his story or response (sort of the way David Lisak did in the video of “Frank”); this way, you can use his response as a tool to support your work; but he doesn’t become the focal point of your work, and thus, outside the beautiful things you’ve done!

 

Hope that helps!

 

Abdul

 

 

Training and Program Coordinator,

WGRAC,

Trinity College

860.297.4131

 

From: Doris Cheung [mailto:]
Sent: Thursday, February 04, 2016 12:27 PM
To: Adriane Bang
Cc: Becky Lockwood; ; Morey, Patricia L; Ellen Collier
Subject: Re: Working with perpetrators

 

I shared this with Ellen off list but would like to share with you as well:

 

HI, Ellen.

Here's my two cents:
How about making a video with him so that he can share his experience without physically being there. You can then share the video with more people because you can use the video unlimited times in different training sessions. He may even consider uploading the video on youtube. In that way, you or your team can make sure the sensitive message is being delivered in the right way too.

Hope this helps.

Doris

Doris Cheung, Ph.D.
Case Manager & Advocate
Office of the Dean of Students
Binghamton University
P.O. Box 6000
Binghamton, NY 13902-6000
607-777-2804

 

On Thu, Feb 4, 2016 at 12:19 PM, Adriane Bang <> wrote:

Good morning!

I just wanted to note that I share Becky's concerns.  

Adriane Bang, LMSW

Associate Director, Women's Center
Boise State University
1910 University Drive, Boise, ID, 83725-1335
Phone: (208) 426-4259
Website: womenscenter.boisestate.edu

 

On Thu, Feb 4, 2016 at 10:03 AM, Becky Lockwood <> wrote:

Hi Folks.  I have many concerns about encouraging a convicted sex offender to speak about his experience in any public setting and/or encouraging that person to create a Men Can Stop Rape group etc. There are multiple safety and  liability issues that need to be considered.  As professionals who work primarily with survivors, we are not the right people to be assessing whether or not this person can safely interact with a range of communities.

 

The most basic question I have is: did the person seek sex offender treatment and did they complete that treatment?  Treatment for sexual violence needs to be specific and tailored to the circumstances of the offender.

Not only do we have a responsibility not to endanger the community in considering what an appropriate role might be, we have an obligation not to put this young man in a situation that might increase his likelihood of re-offending.

 

 

Becky Lockwood

Associate Director of Counseling and Rape Crisis Services

Center for Women & Community

413.545.5832

 

My pronouns: she, her, hers

 

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From: Morey, Patricia L [mailto:]
Sent: Thursday, February 04, 2016 9:44 AM
To: Ellen Collier;
Subject: RE: Working with perpetrators

 

Why not refer him to the local incarceration volunteer programs? He might find real meaning in working with individuals who are serving time for such behavior.

 

Patricia L. Morey

Assistant Dean; Director

Women’s Resources Center

217.333.3137

http://www.go.illinois.edu/wrc

 

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From: Ellen Collier []
Sent: Thursday, February 04, 2016 8:00 AM
To:
Subject: Working with perpetrators

 

Good morning all,

I have recently had a perpetrator (who was found guilty in the criminal system) approach me about wanting to "do something".  He wants to be able to contribute to addressing gender-based violence and expressed particular interest in wanting to share his story so other men got a "real life" example of toxic masculinity and how that can have such a violent outcome.

As a result of our conversations over the last few months, I do truly believe he wants to do something good, but I am struggling to identity what that "something" might be that does not also place survivors in an unsafe space.  We have a peer education program he applied for, but I could not select him due to his criminal record.  His case is easily looked up on the web and the last thing I want is for someone - anyone - to feel unsafe at one of our events or educational programs.

I supposed what I'm asking is if anyone has any suggestions on how to meaningfully engage this young man that could help with his continued growth while at the same time supporting the movement to end gender-based violence.  Any suggestions you have are appreciated!

Ellen

Ellen Lassiter Collier

Diversity & Community Involvement

Women's Resource Center Coordinator

340M Student Center

734.487.0364