Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

["Ben Atherton-Zeman - Feminist, Actor and Husband" <>]

Juliette, thank you so much for your thoughtful post!  Sorry I didn't respond 
right away - was out of town and unable to check email.  I agree with Steven 
Botkin on the menagainstviolence list - it didn't feel like a "rant."  It 
felt like just what we needed to hear - just what I needed to hear.  

On a personal note, I've enjoyed working with you the time I got to come to 
North Carolina.  In case others are wondering, my experience with you is that 
you are a strong advocate for men's involvement (just wanted to support your 
self-characterization in your initial email).  To me as one man, you have 
challenged not only to be involved, but to be accountable to women's 
leadership.  When I visited North Carolina, you were very, very welcoming and 
also offered me very kind and constructive, critical feedback that I've tried 
to incorporate into my performances.

Anyway, I've also been concerned about the points you raised ever since I 
started performing and speaking nationally.  I do work to end not just sexual 
violence, but violence against women in general - but the issues seem also to 
be essential for men doing any kind of work to stop men's violence.  Your 
words made me think about how I contribute and/or benefit from sexism in 
(ironically) doing anti-sexist activism.  Specifically, I wanted to minimize 
my own participation in any sexism, conscious or unconscious, within our 
movements and any privileg-ing of my own voice as a man.  

Frankly, I'm not sure I'm successful in doing so.  

In fact, I'm fairly certain I benefit from, and participate in the very 
dynamic you're discussing.  

I'm almost certain I have been a co-presenter with a woman who has been paid 
less than I have.  I think I am able to charge more than female colleagues 
for "Voices of Men" performances because "ooh, it's a MAN doing it!"  

Before I did this full time, I had more "built-in" accountability to feminist 
women in that I've worked all my adult life for rape crisis centers and DV 
programs.  Now, I only work at my local rape crisis center on a very part 
time basis - I have to rely on my network of feminist women colleagues and 
friends.  Sure, I'll run ideas by them, but it's not the same as having daily 
contact.  And I'm sure I use this as an excuse not to involve women due to a 
"lack of time," when really it's prioritizing other things over 
accountability (it doesn't take long to call Lydia Walker and run something 
by her!).  

Your post addressed more than this, but these are the points that I wanted to 
address.  I agree that "men needing safe space to talk" is often inaccurate, 
and can be used as an excuse to have a men's group be less cutting-edge.  And 
I'm very alarmed that male staff are taking women's positions - if this is 
happening, we need to do what we can to reverse this trend.  

As a man in this movement, I have always felt well-rewarded for doing very 
little.  It's time to raise the bar.  Yes, both women and men are desperate 
for men's involvement to challenge violence against women, but we shouldn't 
let our desperation make us lower our standards.  

So thank you, Juliette.  Be certain I'll be talking with the women in my life 
about this, and about finding ways to do this work in a more truly feminist 
way.  I'll set up more systems of accountability to women's leadership than I 
currently have.  I'll ask myself every day, "How will I be contributing to, 
and benefitting from, sexism and men's violence today?  even as I do work to 
end this violence?"  

Thank you so much for speaking this truth.  

Until the violence stops, Ben.  

Ben Atherton-Zeman, Acton MA USA
Actor, Comedian, Feminist and Husband
Presenting a One-Man Play: "Voices of Men," www.voicesofmen.org (video clips 
take a second to load)
Booking information: 978-263-3254

Quote of the month, April 2007:
..I cry for each time you've tried to convince yourself: 
'Maybe things didn't happen just so' 
or 
'Maybe he didn't hear me say, NO, NO, NO.'
- from "Ten Tears," a poem by Marta Sanchez, www.poetryandart.org.
  
April is National Sexual Assault Awareness Month - wear a teal ribbon!  
Invite artists, survivors and speakers like Marta Sanchez to your community!  
Support your local rape crisis center!