Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

["Juliette Grimmett" <>]

Thank you, teresa, for your post.  I really appreciate all that you said
and also agree with it.  As I continue to think about this, I have found
that a lot of my concerns are directed towards women who are shifting,
what I believe to be, the real message of this work, as well as with
groups of men who (as the women), are very well intentioned, yet decide
to start a group but do not challenge themselves regularly and/or who do
not incorporate the vital history of oppression in all its forms in
their process.  I have seen groups of men who want to DO (i.e. white
ribbon campaign, take back the night, etc.) but are missing the major
links and historical context.  Because of that, engaging in critical
thought conversations about these issues with them can be hollow, and in
my opinion ultimately dangerous.  If we don't have men that are
understanding these issues for real, and sign up just to do something,
do we risk losing the real culture shift we are after?

I would like to hear more from the women on these lists.  I have heard
a lot from men, which is wonderful and necessary and absolutely
encouraged to continue!  I however, would ALSO like to know how women
are FEELING.  Both from women who may be focusing more on praising men
who do the work and diluting messages to suit them (what is happening
that is causing this?), as well as for women who may be feeling the same
pain/concern that I am feeling.  I would like to write about this in a
real way, in a way that looks at how aspects of the men's movement is
directly affecting the women in the movement (both + and -).  In fact, I
think it may be more interesting to write from at least two
perspectives, one from men who have thought about this and how it is
affecting their work (I really like and appreciate what Ben A-Z wrote. 
I found it to be very honest and reflective) and also one from women
about how this shift impacts us and the work.  

I am interested in anecdotal examples such as the ones that I, and many
others have given.  If anyone has any but would like to remain
anonymous, please feel free to email me offline.  Also, my call to women
to respond is not to force anyone to reply to this listserv.  The last
thing I would ever want to do is to add uncomfortability around these
issues.  I sent a post about the fact that women were mostly writing me
offline, just to think about why this is...

so, please know that your comments/thoughts are safe with me, no matter
what side of this you are on.  Again, thank you to everyone for so many
amazing comments and thoughts and reflections.  I am learning so
much...

Juliette Grimmett
Rape Prevention Education Coordinator
NC State University
Women's Center
3120 Talley Student Center
Campus BOX 7306
Raleigh, NC 27695-7306
Office: (919) 513-3232
24 Hour Sexual Violence Hotline: (919)618-RAPE (7273)
Fax: (919) 515-1066
email: 

website: http://www.ncsu.edu/womens_center


>>> "vonstamw" 
>>> <>
>>>  5/1/2007 6:59 PM >>>

Greetings,

I want to extend my appreciation to each person who has written on 
this subject so far, as it is an important and necessary conversation 
as our community puts more emphasis on prevention work with men and 
by men.  

Speaking of men and women sharing leadership in this field, I co-
organized White Ribbon Day (www.whiteribbon.com), a men's anti-
violence campaign, in St. Louis this past April with a member of an 
all-male peer education group. As a woman in a leadership position 
helping to start a men's anti-violence initiative, I felt a strong 
sense of partnership and enrichment from working with these men. My 
leadership role was honored by the men involved during the course of 
the campaign. 

I think what is important to remember in beginning men's initiatives 
and engaging men early in the process is to be conscious of how we 
frame it, since our work is theory-driven, after all. Personally, I 
always remember 3 principles for male involvement Michael Flood has 
outlined: (1) Pro-feminist/Gender-just: Committed to sex-equality. 
(2) Male-positive: Committed to enhancing the lives of boys and men. 
(3) Acknowledge diversities: Recognizing that men possess different 
levels of power in their social context.

I believe it is important for young men to feel a sense of ownership 
and responsibility around preventing gender-based violence in their 
communities, but to also know they are accountable to survivors in 
doing this work.  As we know, these values can and must coexist. Men 
doing gender-based violence prevention work is still a relatively new 
development, and many cities in the U.S. have not yet explored this 
concept.  This presents an exciting opportunity for women with 
experience in violence prevention to engage and partner with men at 
the beginning, so the men's initiatives created are always begun as a 
collaboration, not to mention informed by the experiences of women.  

Finally, we should make sure that we do not discount the fact that 
men are also survivors of men's violence.  The work we do with men 
should acknowledge the prevalence and impact of same-sex domestic 
violence, and the experiences of male sexual assault survivors.  
Men's victimization by other men in a sexual or relationship context 
is still gender-based violence.  The common denominator is that men 
are the primary perpetrators of sexual and relationship violence, so 
men's voices are imperative in putting a stop to it, and can make an 
incredibly positive impact on other men.  There is a risk men's 
voices could drown out the voices of women already doing this work, 
which is why early partnership is key to helping prevent this 
discordance.

A few good resources which have helped me understand more about 
engaging men around violence prevention work in my community have 
been the Family Violence Prevention Fund's "Tookit for Working with 
Men and Boys" http://toolkit.endabuse.org/Home , Rus Funk's new 
handbook Reaching Men: Strategies for Preventing Sexism and Violence, 
and Michael Flood's "Men's Bibliography Online" 
http://www.xyonline.net/ ;

Just as it is my responsibility as a white person to be an active 
anti-racist, to use my unearned privilege to undermine that same 
privilege, it is men's responsibility to be active anti-sexists.  It 
is neither my responsibility nor the responsibility of any woman to 
engage men in this work, but I choose to do it because I believe 
creating allies is prevention in action. I encourage women to use 
their power and expertise to create more allies in their communities.

Thanks,

Teresa


Teresa von Stamwitz
MSW Candidate 2007
George Warren Brown School of Social Work
Washington University in St. Louis
Intern
RAVEN non-violence education



















--- In 
,
 "Ananda Timpane" 
<atimpane@...>
 wrote:
>
> I too am becoming increasingly concerned by the way men's work to 
end violence against women is being positioned within the work as a 
whole.  I see the valid and useful strategies of men working to stop 
men's violence against women being positioned in ways that directly 
result in a devaluation of women, women's work and women doing *this* 
work.
> 
> It is not enough to call for work together - whether in the shift 
from women's studies to gender studies, or in the movement to end 
violence against women.  We also need to continue to call for, 
actively seek and to value women's leadership while challenge 
practices the value men over women - men and women alike.  We won't 
be successful in ending violence against women without being 
successful in this too.
> 
> So I call on male allies to take this on as a critical and central 
part of their role in ending violence against women.  This is not to 
say that this doesn't happen now.  But it is clear that it isn't 
enough, when programs and funding sources and increasingly over 
valuing men. 
> 
> -Ananda
> 
> 
> ***********************************************************
> Ananda M. Timpane
> So. Berkshire Outreach Educator
> Berkshire Violence Prevention Center
> 42 Wendell Avenue
> Pittsfield, MA 01201
> Ph: 413-443-8040 
> Fx: 413-997-2074
>