Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

["Ben Atherton-Zeman - Feminist, Actor and Husband" <>]

A colleague from Florida posted this to the Men Against Violence Yahoo group 
- I hate the song and just heard it on Good Morning America last week.  I 
play it during the beginning of my workshops on consent/coercion - it puts a 
romantic spin on things like drug-facilitated rape.

It seems that in our culture, if you use physical force to rape someone, it's 
violent.  But if you use coercion and manipulation, and have a good singing 
voice, it's romantic and sweet.  


A popular song during the holiday season promotes coercion. Baby it's cold 
outside, a 
1949 Academy Award winning song, more recently remade by Jessica Simpson and 
Nick 
Lachey is laden with coercion. See how may No's are said during the song and 
how bad he 
is trying to convince her to "stay." 

I really can't stay 
(Baby, it's cold outside)
I've got to go away
(Baby, it's cold outside) 
This evening has been 
(Hoping that you'd drop in) 
So very nice 
(I'll hold your hands, they're cold as ice) 

My mother will start to worry 
(Beautiful, what's your hurry) 
My father will be pacing the floor 
(Listen to the fireplace roar)
So really, I'd better scurry 
(Beautiful, please don't worry) 
Maybe just one drink more 
(Put some records on, while I pour) 

The neighbors might think
(Baby, it's bad out there) 
Say, what's in this drink
(No cabs to be had out there) 
I wish I knew how 
(Your eyes are like starlight now) 
To break the spell 
(I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell)

I say no, no, no sir 
(Mind if I move in closer)
At least I'm gonna say that I tried 
(What's the use of hurting my pride) 
I really can't stay
(Baby, don't hold out) 
Baby, it's cold outside 

I simply must go 
(Baby, it's cold outside) 
The answer is no 
(Baby, it's cold outside) 
The welcome has been 
(Lucky that you dropped in) 
So nice and warm 
(Look out the window at that
storm) 

My sister will be suspicious 
(Gosh, your lips look delicious) 
My brother will be there at the door
(Waves upon a tropical shore) 
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious 
(Gosh, your lips are delicious) 
Maybe just a half a drink more 
(Never such a blizzard before)

I've got to get home 
(Baby, you'll freeze out there) 
Say, lend me a coat 
(It's up to your knees out there) 
You've really been grand
(I'm thrilled when you touch my hand) 
But don't you see 
(How can you do this thing to me)

There's bound to be talk tomorrow 
(Just think about my lifelong sorrow) 
At least there'll be plenty implied 
(If you caught pneumonia and died) 
I really can't stay 
(Get over that hold out) 
Baby, it's cold outside


Until the violence stops, Ben.  

Ben Atherton-Zeman, Acton MA USA
Actor, Comedian, Feminist and Husband
Presenting a One-Man Play: "Voices of Men," www.voicesofmen.org (video clips 
take a second to load)
Booking information: 978-263-3254

December, 2006 quote: 
"...Calling me a 'stronger feminist than most women' is inaccurate and very 
unfair to them.  Apples and oranges, basically.White adult heterosexual men 
like myself are allowed to safely sidestep both the experience of oppression 
and the grueling work of daily resistance.  Yet, when a man chooses to 
publish a secondhand account of gender injustice and violence, he gets 
automatic applause and is held up as an icon of men's morality... When 
women.attempt to speak of their experience and struggle firsthand, they are 
demonized or at least, systematically censored.  Isn't that horribly unfair?"
- Martin Dufresne, Montreal Men Against Sexism