Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

["Christopher Kilmartin" <>]

and there are a few others: Every Breath you Take and The Street Where
You Live are stalking songs, and Bruce Springsteen's Fire ("you say you
don't want me, but you know you're a liar") is another acquaintance rape
song.

chris

Christopher Kilmartin, Ph.D.
Fulbright Distinguished Chair in Gender Studies
Klagenfurt, Austria, 2007
Professor of Psychology
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, VA 22401
(540) 654-1562  FAX 540-654-1836

>>> "Ben Atherton-Zeman - Feminist,  Actor and Husband"
<>
 12/11/06 8:56 AM >>>
A colleague from Florida posted this to the Men Against Violence Yahoo
group - I hate the song and just heard it on Good Morning America last
week.  I play it during the beginning of my workshops on
consent/coercion - it puts a romantic spin on things like
drug-facilitated rape.

It seems that in our culture, if you use physical force to rape someone,
it's violent.  But if you use coercion and manipulation, and have a good
singing voice, it's romantic and sweet.  


A popular song during the holiday season promotes coercion. Baby it's
cold outside, a 
1949 Academy Award winning song, more recently remade by Jessica Simpson
and Nick 
Lachey is laden with coercion. See how may No's are said during the song
and how bad he 
is trying to convince her to "stay." 

I really can't stay 
(Baby, it's cold outside)
I've got to go away
(Baby, it's cold outside) 
This evening has been 
(Hoping that you'd drop in) 
So very nice 
(I'll hold your hands, they're cold as ice) 

My mother will start to worry 
(Beautiful, what's your hurry) 
My father will be pacing the floor 
(Listen to the fireplace roar)
So really, I'd better scurry 
(Beautiful, please don't worry) 
Maybe just one drink more 
(Put some records on, while I pour) 

The neighbors might think
(Baby, it's bad out there) 
Say, what's in this drink
(No cabs to be had out there) 
I wish I knew how 
(Your eyes are like starlight now) 
To break the spell 
(I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell)

I say no, no, no sir 
(Mind if I move in closer)
At least I'm gonna say that I tried 
(What's the use of hurting my pride) 
I really can't stay
(Baby, don't hold out) 
Baby, it's cold outside 

I simply must go 
(Baby, it's cold outside) 
The answer is no 
(Baby, it's cold outside) 
The welcome has been 
(Lucky that you dropped in) 
So nice and warm 
(Look out the window at that
storm) 

My sister will be suspicious 
(Gosh, your lips look delicious) 
My brother will be there at the door
(Waves upon a tropical shore) 
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious 
(Gosh, your lips are delicious) 
Maybe just a half a drink more 
(Never such a blizzard before)

I've got to get home 
(Baby, you'll freeze out there) 
Say, lend me a coat 
(It's up to your knees out there) 
You've really been grand
(I'm thrilled when you touch my hand) 
But don't you see 
(How can you do this thing to me)

There's bound to be talk tomorrow 
(Just think about my lifelong sorrow) 
At least there'll be plenty implied 
(If you caught pneumonia and died) 
I really can't stay 
(Get over that hold out) 
Baby, it's cold outside


Until the violence stops, Ben.  

Ben Atherton-Zeman, Acton MA USA
Actor, Comedian, Feminist and Husband
Presenting a One-Man Play: "Voices of Men," www.voicesofmen.org (video
clips take a second to load)
Booking information: 978-263-3254

December, 2006 quote: 
"...Calling me a 'stronger feminist than most women' is inaccurate and
very unfair to them.  Apples and oranges, basically.White adult
heterosexual men like myself are allowed to safely sidestep both the
experience of oppression and the grueling work of daily resistance. 
Yet, when a man chooses to publish a secondhand account of gender
injustice and violence, he gets automatic applause and is held up as an
icon of men's morality... When women.attempt to speak of their
experience and struggle firsthand, they are demonized or at least,
systematically censored.  Isn't that horribly unfair?"
- Martin Dufresne, Montreal Men Against Sexism
_______________________________________________
SAPC mailing list

https://list.mail.virginia.edu/mailman/listinfo/sapc