Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

If it were ME, I'd leave him

 

I wouldn't put up with that

 

I'd kill him

 

whoops never mind..that's domestic violence

 

What was she doing in his room?

 

She came on to him..what did she expect was going to happen?

 

She was WHERE?

 

You hang out with those kind of people, what do you expect?

 

 

In a message dated 11/11/2010 8:42:23 A.M. Pacific Standard Time, writes:

 

Good morning, friends!

I’m designing another bumper sticker that says “Stop Blaming the Victim.”  Behind those words are a background of victim-blaming statements.  This sticker will be teal, for Sexual Assault Awareness Month – the statements blame the victims of sexual assault for what happened to them.

Some of the statements are direct quotes I’ve heard from survivors, or those who blame them.  I’ve tried to make the statements “other-blame” as well as “self-blame,” from both a male and female perspective, from hetero and GLBTQ.  This is what I have so far:

1. I’d never put myself in that situation.
2. She shouldn’t have been drinking.
3. He shouldn’t have been taking drugs.
4. Why did I agree to go up to his room?
5. I shouldn’t have agreed to let him in.
6. I should have said “no” more forcefully.
7. You shouldn’t have led him on like that!
8. She has low self-esteem – that’s why she gets herself in these situations.
9. It’s not that big of a deal.
10. Why was she wearing that outfit?
11. She had sex with him before.
12. He made out with the guy – what did he expect would happen?
13. She flirted with her all night – what did she expect would happen? < /ol>

    What other (short) victim-blaming statements should I put on the sticker?  What else have YOU heard that blames victims of sexual violence? 

    If I use your suggestion, you get four free stickers once they get printed.  I’ll also be reprinting the purple “Stop Blaming the Victim” sticker with statements that blame victims of domestic/dating violence.

    Many thanks – let’s keep raising our voices until the violence stops!

    Ben Atherton-Zeman: Feminist, actor, husband

    Presenting a one-man anti-violence play “Voices of Men.”  Clips available at http://www. voicesofmen.org, booking info at 978-897-3619.

    Quote of the month, November 2010: “If y ou rape a child who is a stranger and get caught, you will probably go to jail.  If you rape your own child and get caught, you will probably get custody.”  - Garland Waller, http://www.smalljustice.com.  See Garland, myself and many others at the Battered Mother’s Custody Conference in Albany this January 7-9, http://www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org/

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