Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

["Frank, Dawn" <>]

Thank you Ben.  I especially appreciate where you share men, "mistake our own 
feelings of victimization for actual victimization."  I think this is such an 
important point because often times when I'm doing prevention education with 
college men in the classroom they want to bring up this issue.  Some of these 
men abuse their male privilege in the class by diverting the attention away 
from issues around violence against women and focus on their own experiences 
of "feeling" victimized.  Your e-mail will help me better articulate to them 
the difference between "feeling" victimized and "actual" victimization.  This 
is often a difficult process because I don't want to minimize their 
experiences, but know more often than not they aren't expressing true history 
with any sort of victimization, but rather a frustration with either gender 
dynamics or being portrayed as a possible perpetrator.

Again, thank you this has provided me with some good food for thought and 
avenue for addressing this issue more effectively.

Dawn Frank
Violence Prevention Response Coordinator
Safe Place
California State University, Chico
530-898-3030 

-----Original Message-----
From: 

 
[mailto:]
 On Behalf Of Ben Atherton-Zeman
Sent: Thursday, August 06, 2009 9:53 AM
To: 
;
 
;
 

Cc: 
;
 
;
 

Subject: George Sodini and Barack Obama

No Shootings Without Sexism

 

We may never know why George Sodini killed three women and wounded nine 
others this week.   

 

George Sodini clearly had anger and contempt for women.  He objectified girls 
and women, seeming to see them only as potential sex partners for him.  In 
his online blog, he called them "hoez," "hottie" and "very edible."  He 
lamented that he was lonely and isolated.  He posted a YouTube video about 
trying to date women 10 to 20 years younger than he was.  He wrote about how 
"a man needs a woman for confidence," and lamented that no woman would date 
him.  

 

We may never know why George Sodini shot twelve women at the LA Fitness Gym 
outside Pittsburg on August 4th.  But after reading his writings, it comes as 
no surprise to me.  

 

Also on August 4, Barack Obama celebrated his 48th birthday.  It was also 
veteran White House journalist Helen Thomas' 89th birthday.  Obama chose to 
celebrate his birthday by bringing cupcakes to Thomas and singing "Happy 
Birthday" to her, along with the rest of the White House press corps. 

 

We may never know why Barack Obama gave that gift to Helen Thomas.  But after 
reading his writings and hearing him speak, it comes as no surprise to me.  
Barack Obama clearly has respect, kindness and good humor for women.  George 
Sodini clearly had hatred, self-pity and contempt for women. 

 

Both men were in their late 40s.  Both were surely influenced by how their 
parents raised them, and by their own choices.  Both men took their actions 
based on a set of beliefs built up over their lives.  

 

To my fellow men I ask: which man do you want to emulate?  

 

Of course, not all men who have contempt for women end up shooting them.  
Every day, we men call women "hoes" and other, worse names.  We men whistle 
at women who pass us by.  We men see girls and women as objects of desire, as 
objects of ridicule, as objects.  

 

We men make sexist jokes, and protest when confronted on our sexism.  "Hey, 
it's just a joke!"

 

We interrupt women in conversations, in board meetings, in our homes.  We 
value women's intelligence less than we do their bodies.  We pay attention to 
what they are wearing and their body parts, not to what's on their minds.  

 

We pay women less than we pay other men.  We stalk our ex-girlfriends and 
excuse our behavior because we're still "in love."  We track our wives' and 
girlfriends' movements by texting them - we minimize and justify our behavior 
based on our own jealousy.  

 

We objectify women through pornography (online and otherwise) and with sexist 
advertising.  Again, when confronted on our consumption of these images, we 
blame the women for "choosing" to participate - the real blame should be on 
us guys for creating such a high demand for these objectified, sexualized 
images.  

 

We act like victims, and paint women as perpetrators and heartbreakers.  We 
write and sing songs about evil women and their wicked ways.  We speak about 
sexism no longer existing - of women as being the ones in charge, with us 
poor guys as the new, neglected oppressed group.  All the while, we make more 
money, have more political power and physical safety than women.  We ignore 
the facts about violence against women, and mistake our own feelings of 
victimization for actual victimization.  

 

Every twelve seconds in the United States, we abuse the woman whom we have 
promised to love.  Every two minutes, we rape a woman - usually a woman we 
know, who trusts us.  When confronted on our violence, we blame the victim: 
"she made me do it, you should see how she is at home, I could tell she was 
really into me." 

 

Of course, not everyone who tells a sexist joke will shoot women in health 
clubs.  Not everyone who believes women are just sex objects will murder 
women.  We may never know what caused George Sodini to do that.  

 

But I know one thing.  Without that belief system, George Sodini would never 
have shot those women.  

 

What kind of man do you want to be?  What kind of man do you want to teach 
your sons to be?  Your guy friends?  

 

We cannot bring back the lives that George Sodini took: Jody Billingsley, 
Betsy Gannon and an as-yet unnamed third woman.  But we can hold up role 
models like Barack Obama, rather than men who mock and make fun of women.  We 
can interrupt sexist jokes, and not tell them ourselves.  We can listen to 
women - really listen.  We can support women's leadership.  We can donate to 
domestic violence programs, rape crisis centers, state and national 
anti-violence groups.  

 

Misogyny and men's violence against women need fertile soil in which to grow. 
 That fertile soil is sexism.  By respecting women, we can dry up that soil.  
We can hasten the day when this kind of violence never happens again.  


Until the violence stops, Ben.  

Ben Atherton-Zeman, Maynard, MA USA
Actor, Comedian, Feminist and Husband
Presenting a One-Man Play: "Voices of Men," http://www.voicesofmen.org ;(video 
clips available)
For booking information, please call 978-897-3619

"Black people who speak out about white racism are NOT racists.  White people 
who call black people racists for talking about race are trying to silence us 
so that we stop talking about race.Why do white people continue to remain 
silent in the face of racism?  Your silence, to me, is deafening!"
- Byron Hurt, award-winning documentary filmmaker and anti-sexist activist, 
http://www.bhurt.com ;
Start taking action at http://colorofchange.org/beck/?id=1995-946034
(Congratulations to Byron and Kenya on the birth of your baby girl!)
_______________________________________________
SAPC mailing list

https://list.mail.virginia.edu/mailman/listinfo/sapc