Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

["Ben Atherton-Zeman" <>]

Meara McIntosh's son Colton was killed by her batterer, her child's father.  
Meara doesn't have the money to pay for Colton's grave headstone.  Can you 
help? 

Meara's ex-husband had been using the family court system to seek custody and 
visitation, despite proof that he was abusing Meara.  A year and a half prior 
to Colton's murder, Meara warned authorities that he was unstable, and a 
violent and dangerous influence in Meara and Colton's lives. She warned them 
that he already had a history of drug abuse, stalking and major violence with 
other people in his past and was rampantly destroying thousands of dollars of 
property of Meara's - the police instead warned Meara that they could arrest 
her for making false complaints.  

The visitation was allowed and was unsupervised.  3 weeks before Meara was 
going to court for the final review, which would have allowed Meara and 
Colton to move out of the area, her ex-husband killed Colton and then killed 
himself, with carbon monoxide poisoning.  

Colton was three years old.  He was buried in his Halloween whale costume 
that he loved.  

You can do an Internet search for "Meara McIntosh," or check out the facebook 
group http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=100489940216&ref=ts  ;
for more details.  

Meara lives in Alberta, Canada. She was denied berevement leave and medical 
leave (for post-tramatic stress) because she was self-employed. She is not 
termed to be "in further danger" since her ex is dead - therefore, she is not 
eligible for the descretionary domestic violence assistance programs. Victims 
Services has postponed her claim 3 times already, and will not disclose if or 
how much money she might be eligable for when it is eventually processed.  
She has secured part-time employment as a baggage handler at an airport, but 
it's not even close to meeting her expenses.  Meara doesn't have the money to 
even pay for a headstone for Colton's grave - a cost of $1050 Canadian ($1200 
after taxes).  

Can you help us raise the funds for this headstone?  Any extra will go 
towards Meara's other expenses, which are mounting.  Please submit the funds 
via PayPal to the email address 

 (go to http://www.paypal.com to set up an easy, free account).  If you don't 
want to set up a PayPal account, call Ben at 978-897-3619 - he can take a 
credit card payment over the phone and then get the money to Meara.  

Meara did not suggest this email solicitation - we (Sujata and Ben) did.  

Thank you in advance for your help!  

- Sujata Warrier, Ben Atherton-Zeman
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From: "Chad Sniffen" 
<>
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Subject: RE: SAPC Digest, Vol 1238, Issue 1
Date: Mon, 13 Jul 2009 11:13:24 -0700
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I think bystander intervention training has been incorrectly conflated with
Sex Signals in this thread. The aspect of Sex Signals that I think people
here would identify as re-victimizing is the way in which it presents
alternate "signals" that the victim in the scenario could have communicated
to make her or his non-consent more clear. That is not a bystander
framework. In the actual presentation the audience plays a narrative role by
identifying things that the participants in the scenario might do
difficulty, but the point of that audience interaction is not to teach a
bystander skill necessarily.

Best,
Chad


-----Original Message-----
From: 

[mailto:]
 On Behalf Of Lauren Sogor
Sent: Monday, July 13, 2009 5:55 AM
To: 

Subject: RE: SAPC Digest, Vol 1238, Issue 1

Question for Ethan and others: I'm curious to know what you mean when
you say that bystander intervention training has the potential to
re-victimize survivors? I could be missing something, but I have never
heard that argument before, so I'm just curious to know more about your
point of view! Thanks,
Lauren





E. Lauren Sogor, MPH
Prevention Campaign Specialist


National Sexual Violence Resource Center
123 North Enola Drive, Enola, PA 17025
717.909.0710 x118
877.739.3895 Toll Free

New ideas... new energy at the 2009 National Sexual Assault Conference
Mentoring Our Movement September 9-11, Alexandria, VA