Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

["Juliette Grimmett" <>]

South African rapist: 'Forgive me' 

Dumisani Rebombo says peer pressure led him to rape
Dumisani Rebombo and his friend raped a young girl in their village in South 
Africa when they were teenagers.
Years later, he returned to the same village to find the woman he attacked 
and begged for her forgiveness. 
Mr Rebombo, 49, is one of thousands of men in South Africa who admit to 
having carried out a sexual assault - one in four, according to a recent 
survey. 
He told BBC News why he feels so many young men in his homeland engage in the 
ill-treatment of women. 



When I was 15 years old, I took part in a gang rape.
Before the incident, I was constantly jeered for not being man enough. 
At the time I was not ready to have a girlfriend when all my friends did. 
I did not tend the cattle or sheep, nor did I attend the initiation school 
[where South African teenagers are circumcised in traditional rites of 
passage]. 
This fuelled my daily jeers.
My friends sang and clapped as if we had done something right 

Dumisani Rebombo

South African rape survey shock 
A friend and my cousin pressured me to prove that I was man enough, by taking 
part in the rape of a teenage girl in the village. 
This was termed "straightening her up", since she did not want to go out with 
any of the local boys. 
I succumbed to this daily pressure and on the day of the incident, when they 
saw me trembling with fear, they ordered me to take marijuana and beer to 
defeat my fears. 
I did just that and the two of us [my friend and I] proceeded to rape the 
girl. 
Guilty and scared
Afterwards, I was terrified. 
I felt guilty but also scared that the news could reach my mother who had a 
high standing in the community. 
The following day, when we went for our soccer practice, this incident was 
reported to all the other football players.

Dumisani Rebombo said he was prepared to face jail
On hearing the news, they sang and clapped as if we had done something right. 
This helped to stop the jeering somewhat and I was allowed to associate with 
the other boys. 
I still felt guilty, at least partially so, especially when I saw the girl in 
the village. Sometimes I tried to avoid meeting her. 
But slowly, over time, I began to think less and less about the incident. 
I left my village in Limpopo Province and went to live in the city and joined 
a religious group from which I learned a lot about love and respect for all. 
Strangely, I did not think much of the incident - I just went on with my 
life. 
I started work with an NGO (non-governmental organisation) where I mostly 
worked with unemployed mothers. 
Every Monday morning, the women reported incidents of abuse in different 
forms.
Every time I heard of a negative act by a man, I was forced to go back to my 
own incident 

Dumisani Rebombo
As they did this, I could not help it but give way to introspection. 
It was as if every time I heard of a negative act by a man, I was forced to 
go back to my own incident. 
I then asked my employers to train us in a methodology which would target 
boys and men. 
They did this and very soon, I felt challenged, self-consciously, to set an 
example to the men I was teaching. 
Seeking forgiveness
I took a decision to go back to find the woman I raped. 
I realised that the woman needed justice. 
But also, I wanted to ask for forgiveness, now that I understood the effects 
and consequences for someone who has been raped.

South Africa's government has been urged to solve the rape epidemic 
I went to my pastor about this. His response was: "You are saved now, you 
were once in the mud, but now you know the truth and you are therefore OK." 
He also asked me if I was ready to go to jail. He said: "What if the woman 
went to the authorities?" 
My answer was: "If I go to jail, that would be justice for that woman." 
I therefore took the journey to the north. 
I wanted her to know that I felt bad about what I had done to her, that I was 
a changed man and I was working with other men to prevent rape. 
When we met, she showed a wry smile on her face. 
Since we were at a public clinic, she thought I was a doctor or someone from 
the Ministry of Health. 
I related my story to her. She looked at me and revealed that she had since 
been raped on two other occasions.
She told me how she often cringes when her husband touches her 

Dumisani Rebombo
She started crying. She told me how she often cringes when her husband 
touches her. 
She told me that her life was never the same emotionally following these 
incidents. 
Worse still, she was not ready to tell her husband of what had happened. 
Finally, she said that she forgave me, and thought that I had meant well with 
all that I had said. 
I left that room with a new burden - to do something about rape in my 
community and my country. 
Machismo feelings
If you asked me: "What motivates so many men in South Africa to engage in 
un-consensual sex?" I would say that it is the machismo feelings and beliefs, 
coupled with patriarchal processes and tendencies. 
I think that we raise boys in the wrong way, but later on in their lives we 
want to see them as different men who care and love. 
My advice to young men who feel under pressure to rape, is to surround 
yourselves with good friends. 
Learn to talk to someone about what is going on inside. 
For with this, one can teach the young men to have other means of solving 
conflict. 
And above all, to grow up respecting girls.


Dumisani Rebombo is a community development worker and public speaker, 
working for the Olive Leaf Foundation, in Johannesburg.



Are you an NCSU student interested in being a Sexual & Relationship Violence 
Peer Educator?  Join The Movement. Application can be found online at 
www.ncsu.edu/themovement 

Juliette Grimmett, MPH
Rape Prevention Education Coordinator
NC State University
Women's Center
3120 Talley Student Center
Campus BOX 7306
Raleigh, NC 27695-7306
Office: (919) 513-3232
24 Hour Sexual Violence Hotline: (919)618-RAPE (7273)
Fax: (919) 515-1066
email: 


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