Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

{ SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1}  Teal Ribbon Publications is proud to offer you a 
complimentary opinion-
maker copy of a unique new resource in the field: a 32 page booklet, suitable 
as a
handout, entitled "Rape at College, How to Help a Friend" (pub date: December
15th, 2008). Many of you are familiar with the beautiful work done by its 
author,
Gillian Greensite who, starting in 1979, pioneered campus dialogue around 
issues of
body image, sexuality and men's role in rape prevention - long before such 
issues
became the norm on college campuses. This past year Teal Ribbon was able to
convince Gillian to spare some time for us out of her duties as founding 
director of
the Rape Prevention Education Program at the University of California at 
Santa Cruz.
The result is a warm, accessible guidebook for a powerful yet too-often 
untapped
audience ... students who want to help their friends through this lonely and 
painful
period in their lives. We think that once you see "Rape at College" you'll 
want it for
your campus.  For your free copy please email

 and tell us where to mail your copy.

And for those of you who have been patiently waiting for the 2008 version of 
"If She
is Raped: a Guidebook for the Men in Her Life" by Alan McEvoy and Jeff 
Brookings, it
too will be available December 15th. Please visit our store at:
www.tealribbonpublications.com

excerpt from "Rape at College: How to Help a Friend"

        Students who are raped are more likely to tell a friend before 
telling anyone else.
Almost half tell only a friend. Since this serious issue is all too rarely 
discussed-at home,
at school, and even among friends- it is understandable that you would have 
many
questions about how to deal with this unexpected crisis. You may have no idea 
what
resources are available. You may feel hesitant to say anything for fear that 
it will make
your friend feel worse. Or you may offer unsolicited advice, out of concern 
that your friend
is not doing enough to help herself. You are not alone in your anxiety about 
how to
respond.
        In order to be a good and helpful friend it is important that you are
knowledgeable about the reality of rape, particularly at a college campus. It 
is also
important to check your own thoughts, feelings, and attitudes about rape. 
There is
widespread ignorance about the dynamics and causes of rape. All of us have 
been raised
in a society that questions the behavior of the person raped more than the 
behavior of
the person who committed rape. This adds to the emotional pain of anyone who 
has been
raped. Understanding some commonly held misconceptions and biases will help 
you be
more aware, more likely to be
helpful as your friend deals with the reality of having been raped. You do 
not need to set
yourself up as an authority on the subject. Defining an experience as rape or 
not is
complex and best left to professionals. However, you can be an informed 
friend which,
combined with warmth and compassion, is the best sort of friend to be.
© 2008 Gillian Greensite

excerpt from "If She is Raped: a Guidebook for the Men in Her Life"
o Do not tell her that she "shouldn´t think about it" or "shouldn´t feel that 
way." She
cannot simply will herself to ignore troublesome images or to bury powerful 
feelings. Do
not deny her the right to her feelings or suggest that she is inadequate for 
failing to
control her emotions. This only makes her feel guilty and guarded about 
expressing
feelings to you.
o Do not become irritated because she has needs that place additional demands 
on you.
Ironically, oftentimes men initially encourage the victim to feel dependent 
on them, then
later come to resent what they believe is her overdependence.
o Do not become angry if her recovery seems too slow. Remember that rape 
victims
recover at different rates and in different ways. Do not impose on her the 
terms of her
recovery. Such an imposition communicates a lack of understanding rather than
compassion and is likely to cause resentment.
© 2008 Alan McEvoy and Jeff Brookings