Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

["Juliette Grimmett" <>]

Sorry for any cross-postings...

I was wondering if others were at all having these feelings...  

I truly believe that I personally could not be more of an advocate for
men joining the movement to end sexual violence.  I believe in men's
groups, in male prevention coordinators, male peer eds, male speakers,
etc.

However, I have also lately started feeling concerned.  I am concerned
that while many men are part of this movement, some are not including
women in their work.  In fact, I have heard about men being afraid to
include women in their work.  Further, I have had friends that have
attended men's groups meetings and have told me about what was
discussed, and both of us were very concerned that they were missing
significant issues because of their lack of being informed regularly, by
women.  Same is true of national male speakers.  While I am so glad that
they are doing this work, are there women regularly informing them?  

Lately I am feeling that all of the years worth of women doing
incredible and courageous work are being seen as secondary to what men
are doing when you look at key note speakers at conferences, and who the
big names are for campuses to hire as their annual speakers.  Where are
the combined gender programs that focus on more than the heterosexist
ideas of men and women being different and that rape is really just an
accident or miscommunication?

While I believe that men need a safe space to talk about these issues,
as do women, I am concerned that we are missing the piece of all working
together.  We all need each other.  I believe that the more we keep
separating the genders to do their own work, we will continue to
reinforce this divide (also often heterosexist), rather than working on
this as a human issue.  

I am also concerned about staff positions in agencies.  I have noticed
that in agencies where there may only be one sexual violence position,
i.e. campuses, when they are vacating, rather than adding an additional
position for a men's program coordinator, some agencies are putting men
in those positions and losing the female all together.  Further, these
men aren't even necessarily qualified for the positions, but folks are
just so happy to have a man interested in doing the work, that they are
sacrificing positions.

Finally, I have also noticed a shift among women in sexual violence
coordinator/director positions in that they are lately more concerned
with making it easy on men, and diluting messages (i.e. number of men
that would admit to raping a woman if not being caught, etc.) than
talking about the reality and working on changing the culture to end it
together.  It's as if lately, so much is being catered to making this
easier for men.  Of course I understand that in order to engage men in
this work, we need to add new approaches to our work.  I am all about
tailoring messages, etc.  But I feel that this new wave is not about
adding, but instead removing.

I am not at all suggesting that all men's groups, speakers, and
agencies are engaging in these practices.  However I feel I have heard
too many stories at this point to make me think this is just random
occurrences.  I do not feel that there is enough stress on the
importance of women and men working together, and men having to be
informed regularly by women - particularly as men are also survivors,
and women can also perpetrate these acts.

Just some initial thoughts this morning.  What do others think?  Sorry
for my long rant here.

Juliette Grimmett
Rape Prevention Education Coordinator
NC State University
Women's Center
3120 Talley Student Center
Campus BOX 7306
Raleigh, NC 27695-7306
Office: (919) 513-3232
24 Hour Sexual Violence Hotline: (919)618-RAPE (7273)
Fax: (919) 515-1066
email: 

website: http://www.ncsu.edu/womens_center