Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

["Ben Atherton-Zeman - Feminist, Actor and Husband" <>]

Maybe you can have the male's character evolve from being defensive, blaming 
her etc. to taking responsibility - end his with "Did I rape her?"

Until the violence stops, Ben.  

Ben Atherton-Zeman, Acton MA USA
Actor, Comedian, Feminist and Husband
Presenting a One-Man Play: "Voices of Men," www.voicesofmen.org (video clips 
take a second to load)
Booking information: 978-263-3254

August 2006 quote: "As men who are part of the solution to end violence 
against women and sexism, our success is dependent on seeking the leadership 
of women and allowing that leadership to guide us.If we do not listen to, 
invest in and believe the voice of women we are once again maintaining the 
imbalance of power and reinforcing our status while we continue to 
marginalize women and their experience. After all, women are the experts on 
our violence and abuse toward them. The dominating group cannot define the 
oppression for those who are oppressed." - Ted Bunch, A Call to Men
Come to the National A Call to Men Conference, Sept. 20-22, Charlotte, NC.  
www.acalltomen.com
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it seems to me relatively ineffective to have a victim "wonder" whether she 
was raped -- as if the definition of the offense is controlled by someone 
other than herself --

a victim, alone, has authority to consent, or not, which means she, alone, 
not only knows whether she was raped but has sole authority to make the 
determination --
scripts that ask her to "wonder" suggest that she could legitimately doubt 
her own experience -- and might need outside input to make a deterination 
when the simple fact is -- outside influence often means hearing others talk 
about whether she could have done more to prevent the assault, whether she 
shouldn't have worn a certain outfit or had two drinks, etc -- all of which 
is irrelevant.  I would urge that scripts make it clear that the victim needs 
no guidance to know for herself what her state of mind was -- (assuming she 
was not too intoxicated, drugged, etc -- to recall -- which COULD require 
outside information such as statements from others who saw how much she had 
to drink -- blood tests -- etc.  but this is not to flesh out the victim's 
own sense of herself so much as evidence to establish what the victim cannot 
recollect due to incapacitation.

i teach the following soundbites:  rather than things like "no means no" -- 
and "affirmative consent"  -  how about messaging potential offenders by 
saying:  "know or it's NO" - which is a way of making it clear the burden 
lies with the imposing party --

i also like "sex+alcohol = nonconsent -- do the math!" -

and -- as many people have argued -- it's more important to target the guys 
-- so having them watch vignettes of male students NOT obtaining clear 
consent -- or obtaining consent to ONE act -- but then proceeding beyond that 
act without knowing for sure that the next step is ok -- is a good idea if 
teh goal is to make the male students know that the rules are designed to 
restrain their behavior NOT burden victims with the responsibiltiy to prevent 
the harmful behavior of others -

i'm not saying women shouldn't do risk reduction -- only that the way the 
message is sent matters and who the message is directed at matters -- and too 
many school aim their messages at the women students, with fear-mongering and 
other tactics that inhibit women's freedom rather than inhibiting male 
aggression --

i realize kids will drink and have sex -- but there should be a "buyer 
beware" message to ramp up  awareness that it's not just consent but 
voluntary consent that matters - and that the aggressor bears the entire 
burden of knowing -- the victim bears no burden if things are vague -- (which 
is not to say the victim can say yes and change her mind the next day ) -- 
it's just that doubt must be resolved against the offender if the goal is 
better prevention.  Sadly -- the opposite is true on campuses and in the real 
world --

wendy