Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

["Ben Atherton-Zeman" <>]

A fantastic trainer for campus law enforcement is Sgt. Anne O'Dell, formerly 
of the San Diego Police Department.  She also focuses more on domestic 
violence - see www.stopdv.com for more info.  She has a video series that's 
very good.  

Joanne Archambault is also great, and she focuses more on sexual assault.  
Not sure if she offers a curriculum - http://www.mysati.com/ is her website.  ;
- Ben

Ben Atherton-Zeman, Acton MA USA
Actor, Comedian, Feminist and Husband
Presenting a One-Man Play: "Voices of Men"
Call 978-263-3254 for booking information..From 

  Thu Feb 24 14:11:39 2005
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I absolutely second those referrals. I have seen them both present and
they are fantastic-

Juliette

Juliette Muellner, Program Director
Sexual Health & Violence Prevention
Health & Wellness Programs
Thomson Student Health Center, Lower Level
Columbia, SC 29208

Office: 576.5722
Fax: 777.5678

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>>> "Ben Atherton-Zeman" 
>>> <>
>>>  2/24/2005 2:08:37 PM
>>>
A fantastic trainer for campus law enforcement is Sgt. Anne O'Dell,
formerly of the San Diego Police Department.  She also focuses more on
domestic violence - see www.stopdv.com for more info.  She has a video
series that's very good.

Joanne Archambault is also great, and she focuses more on sexual
assault.  Not sure if she offers a curriculum - http://www.mysati.com/
is her website.  - Ben

Ben Atherton-Zeman, Acton MA USA
Actor, Comedian, Feminist and Husband
Presenting a One-Man Play: "Voices of Men"
Call 978-263-3254 for booking information.
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Date: Thu, 24 Feb 2005 17:01:45 -0500
From: Linda Lumley 
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Subject: Law Enforcement Training
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I stumbled on this last year, if it's still posted on the website
where I found it:

U.S. Dept. of Justice
Office of Community Oriented Policing Services
Problem-Oriented Guides for Police Series
#17: Acquaintance Rape of College Students, by Rana Sampson,53
pgs.

find it at:  www.cops.usdoj.gov/PDF/E03021472.PDF




Linda Lumley, M.P.H.
coordinator, Gender and Health Education
Office of Health Promotion and Education
Sindecuse Health Center
Western Michigan University
Kalamazoo, MI  49008-5445
269-387-2995
fax 269-387-3559

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Subject: Re: SAPC Digest, Vol 320, Issue 1
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The #1 way to help students experience the need for "asking first" is to
"show" the students examples of people asking first.  Most students are not
going to try a concept that none of their friends or any of their role
models (TV, movies, etc...) ever practice.  Since our society does not show
examples of asking and communicating verbally for consent, students do not
think it can be done without "ruining the moment."  By showing the students
scenes of "asking first" (role-play, etc...), you eliminate their #1 concern
about verbally getting consent.  When students see how intimate & sexy
asking can be, they realize their fears are unfounded.  In fact, many
students change their entire approach because then they also realize that
"asking" is easier than "playing the game" and guessing about what another
person wants.

While "ruining the moment" is students #1 fear, they do have additional
concerns about asking which can vary from males to females ("image",
"traditional roles", etc...).  You should try to address all of their
concerns so that you eliminate their argument before you try to teach them
the new concept.  Otherwise, they will keep their "concerns" in the
forefront of their minds.  If they are focused on a concern, it will be
difficult for the students to be open-minded about the new concept.  Hope
this helps!

P.S.  When students see it done well, they love it!  One of the most common
e-mails we get falls along the lines of, "Thanks for opening our eyes to
such a great way of dating and intimacy."

Mike Domitrz  

-- Executive Director of "The DateSafe Project"
-- Author of "May I Kiss You?  A Candid Look at Dating, Communication,
Respect, & Sexual Assault Awareness"
-- "Can I Kiss You?  Dating, Communication, Respect & Sexual Assault
Awareness" for Students & Educators
-- Watch Video Online at www.domitrz.com
-- Toll-Free: (800) 329-9390
-- Website:  www.domitrz.com

**Get a Complimentary copy of Chapter Eight from Mike's book ~ "May I Kiss
You?  A Candid Look at Dating, Communication, Respect, & Sexual Assault
Awareness" by signing up at www.domitrz.com **


----- Original Message -----
From: "Don Lazzarini" 
<>
To: 
<>
Cc: 
<>;
 
<>;
 
<>
Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2005 12:29 PM
Subject: RE: SAPC Digest, Vol 320, Issue 1


Hello Everyone,

A general response to Lori Flood's inquiry. While our programming is
consent based, the disconnect comes through how consent is measured by
students. We find the most vocal of students are confident they can
"just tell". We provide a model of clear verbal communication but there
is an area of importance our students helped us to understand.

The problem as we see it; there is no Verbal Intimacy Permission
Progression (VIPP) within our social construct. What that means is there
is no generally accepted social practice of using our words to get
consent to engage in the beginning levels of physical intimacy. The
beginning level in our view includes initial physical contact including
leaning against, patting on the back or shoulder, sitting on laps, etc.
The next level (the first physical evidence of a RELATIONSHIP moving
beyond a flirting friend stage) is hand holding. Few students are
confident enough or socialized to ask another student to hold their hand
prior to actually touching them. (Long-lecture-short; males in power
benefit from current no conversation prior to touching paradigm. Women's
voices are discouraged which allow the males to interpret the female
physical re-action or lack of action in a positive light. Research
indicates we males can interpret most anything a female of interest
might do in a positive light). The next level, kissing, builds on the no
verbal process to get permission or consent. There are consistent voices
of males and females who inform us how asking is not romantic, how it
ruins the MoJo and especially how "you can't do that". The students are
very clear and consistent in their message to us. Based on their
socialization there is no "verbal consent model" in the complex world of
physical intimacy. In fact their statements of "you can't do that"
indicate that verbally asking is not acceptable.

The question of the day is "How do we expect our students to suddenly
develop VIPP language skills at the most intense physical level of
intimacy progression to include sexual intercourse, when they couldn't
or wouldn't ask to hold hands?" A follow up question is "Why would those
who currently benefit from the touch first model be willing to give up
their power advantage?"

It is our belief any consent model must incorporate a VIPP component to
help the students understand why it is so difficult and yet so important
to go against their social programming; if we are to achieve social
change. On a positive note there are students who have incorporated the
ask before touch and found it enhanced the experience and ultimately
conveyed their respect for the other person in a way they had not
imagined.

Don Lazzarini M. Ed
Coordinator VAWOC Project
University of Idaho
Resource Specialist
208-885-2956




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