Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

[Brett Sokolow <>]

Yep.  In many ways, BDSM relationships are more respectful of consent than other relationships most people perceive as being less abusive.  

Regards,
Brett A. Sokolow
Brett A. Sokolow, Esq.
Attorney-at-Law

President & CEO, The NCHERM Group LLC

Executive Director, The National Behavioral Intervention Team Association 

Executive Director, The Association of Title IX Administrators 

Publisher, Student Affairs eNews 

116 E. King St.
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Tel. (610) 993-0229 
Fax (610) 993-0228

The NCHERM Group, LLC serves as legal counsel/advisor to 70 campuses

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From: Tammi Slovinsky <>
Date: Tuesday, February 10, 2015 at 2:56 PM
To: Brett Sokolow <>, "" <>
Subject: Re: 2015 ATIXA Whitepaper

Thank you for pointing out that "true" BDSM relationships are not abusive, roles and behaviors mutually agreed upon and even use contracts to ensure each person is cared for in the relationship.  There are lots of myths in this area and I have a student who has taught me much on the subject- he even did a workshop on it last year for our peer educators.  

Tammi Slovinsky, MPA
Assistant Director
Sexual Assault and Intimate Partner Violence and Stalking Advocacy Services
The Wellness Resource Center
Virginia Commonwealth University
815 South Cathedral Place
Richmond, VA 23284
(804) 828-2085


Email is not a confidential form of communication. If you need assistance related to sexual assault, dating violence, domestic violence or stalking, please call 804.828.9355 and ask to speak to an advocate. These services are available 8am-4:30pm Monday - Thursday and 10:30am-4:30pm Friday. If you need support outside of these hours please call the Regional Hotline (24/7) at 804.612.6126. 


If you are ever in imminent danger, call VCU Police at 804.828.1234 or 911.

Strategic - Communication - Futuristic - Competition - Ideation

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BydWC6itor9QU3pQaC1CdXg1LXc/edit?usp=sharing

https://docs.google.com/a/vcu.edu/file/d/0BydWC6itor9QemtkOENXV1ZQOGs/edit

On Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 1:03 PM, Brett Sokolow <> wrote:

Hi Nikki,

It’s been a disturbing trend in the last few years.  I would absolutely not say that mutual abuse is commonplace, or that it is even mutual.  Men are the primary abusers, of men and women.  But, abuse by female students is becoming more common anecdotally than the more dated literature would indicate.  I agree with your characterization that the abuse happens for different reasons, which is why “mutual” is a harmful way to look at it.  Instead, we have seen a rise of BDSM relationships, as students re-enact their favorite scenes from 50 Shades of Grey.  There is more abuse, controlling and domination occurring as an adjunct to sexual activity, and while in the BDSM world there is strong emphasis on mutuality and pre-agreed terms and boundaries, students are not always sure what they want and whether they like what happened once it happens.  Once the relationship ends, charges fly in both directions that the BDSM was not consensual and that they “abused each other.”  Further, we are seeing a rise in self-harm on college campuses, as you may know.  So, that has given rise to a string of cases where boyfriends have alleged that their girlfriends have harmed them in various ways (cigarette burns being pretty common now), only to have the girlfriends respond that they were asked to burn their boyfriends, who wanted them to do it.  With self-harm and self-injurious behaviors being more common, it seems to be giving some license to those who wish to be harmed to give their partners permission to harm them.  Until they break up, at which point it becomes less clear who consented to what.  There are simply a ton of unhealthy relationships on college campuses, through which administrators are being asked to navigate to clear outcomes in an environment where nothing is really clear.  

Regards,
Brett A. Sokolow
Brett A. Sokolow, Esq.
Attorney-at-Law

President & CEO, The NCHERM Group LLC

Executive Director, The National Behavioral Intervention Team Association 

Executive Director, The Association of Title IX Administrators 

Publisher, Student Affairs eNews 

116 E. King St.
Malvern, PA 19355-2969
Tel. (610) 993-0229 
Fax (610) 993-0228

The NCHERM Group, LLC serves as legal counsel/advisor to 70 campuses

This e-mail message is from a law firm and may contain information that is privileged or confidential. It is not intended for transmission to, or receipt by, any unauthorized persons. If you have received this electronic mail transmission in error, do not read it. Please delete it from your system without copying it, and notify the sender by reply e-mail at  or by calling 610.993.0229, so that our address record can be corrected.

From: <Finnestead>, Nikki Ann <>
Date: Tuesday, February 10, 2015 at 12:44 PM
To: Brett Sokolow <>, "" <>
Subject: RE: 2015 ATIXA Whitepaper

Thank you for sharing! While I found this to be an informative read, I was surprised to read the information regarding mutual abuse on college campuses. Everything I’ve learned on the topic indicates that mutual abuse is rare; that when violence is used by both parties it is used for very different purposes (one partner uses violence to control the other person, while the other partner uses violence to gain control and agency over oneself). The article, however, presented the idea of mutual abuse as becoming more commonplace. Can anyone point me in the direction of any research that indicates an uptick of mutual abuse in IPV cases?

Thank you,

 

 

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From: Brett Sokolow []
Sent: Monday, February 09, 2015 12:56 PM
To: ;
Subject: 2015 ATIXA Whitepaper

 

Dear Colleagues,

Announcing the 2015 ATIXA Whitepaper: The Challenge of Title IX Responses to Campus Relationship and Intimate Partner Violence

This Whitepaper sets forth an in-depth exploration of the unique issues posed in addressing intimate partner violence on college campuses, including facts and statistics; the importance of understanding and implementing an initial risk assessment; and the need to develop a personalized safety plan for each person exposed to the risk of interpersonal violence. ATIXA is pleased to add a recognized victim’s rights expert, Juliette Grimmett, as a co-author to this Whitepaper, whose insights have helped us to deepen our understanding of this issue and its complexities.  Please access a free copy here:  https://www.atixa.org/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Challenge-of-TIX-with-Author-Photos.pdf

Regards,
Brett A. Sokolow
Brett A. Sokolow, Esq.
Attorney-at-Law

President & CEO, The NCHERM Group LLC

Executive Director, The National Behavioral Intervention Team Association 

Executive Director, The Association of Title IX Administrators 

Publisher, Student Affairs eNews 

116 E. King St.
Malvern, PA 19355-2969
Tel. (610) 993-0229 
Fax (610) 993-0228

The NCHERM Group, LLC serves as legal counsel/advisor to 70 campuses

This e-mail message is from a law firm and may contain information that is privileged or confidential. It is not intended for transmission to, or receipt by, any unauthorized persons. If you have received this electronic mail transmission in error, do not read it. Please delete it from your system without copying it, and notify the sender by reply e-mail at  or by calling 610.993.0229, so that our address record can be corrected.