Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

[Ben Atherton Zeman <>]

Hello, friends! 

 

I’ve printed a new bumper sticker that consists mostly of the word “Believer.”  Underneath, it says, “I believe survivors of domestic and sexual violence.”

 

Most victim-blaming myths that I’ve encountered involve some assumption that the survivor is lying.  I first heard the term “Believer” from my friend Barry Goldstein – he is getting a free sticker at the Battered Mothers Custody Conference this January in Albany, NY.  Barry is active in the National Organization for Men Against Sexism http://www.nomas.org and has sacrificed much while trying to work for justice for battered mothers.  He was called “Believer” by some young children - I made this bumper sticker with Barry in mind – here is his story about the term “Believer.”

 

“Some years ago, three young children complained to their mother that their father was physically and sexually abusing them.  Their mom filed a complaint with Child Protective Services and sought a protective order from the Family Court. 

 

The children were interviewed and told the CPS caseworker, the judge, their attorney and the court appointed psychiatrist what their father had done.  As is typical in these cases, these professionals assumed the mother pressured them to make false allegations.  The court ordered unsupervised visitation to resume and threatened to take the children from the mother if she didn't stop brainwashing them. 

 

Shortly before the first scheduled visitation, the father was confronted by the baby sitter in the presence of the children's attorney and the father admitted “kissing his daughters on their privates.”  The attorney immediately made a motion to stop the visitation which I supported. 

 

The judge consulted with the evaluator who said the father used bad judgment but there was no reason to stop the visitation.  The visitation took place as planned.  During the visitation, the father penetrated the four-year-old for the first time.

 

I filed a new complaint with CPS.  When the judge heard about it he yelled and screamed at me saying they had already investigated and found nothing.  A new caseworker was appointed and she did a thorough job this time.  They learned the father had done worse than we believed and brought charges against the father.  He never again had anything more than supervised visitation. 

 

When the mother received custody, she invited the new caseworker and me for a celebratory dinner.  The children had gifts for us, but most important they had a name for us.  The children called us ‘believers’ because we believed them when all the other professionals hired to protect them did not. 

 

There is no greater honor a person can receive than to be called a ‘believer.’” – Barry Goldstein

 

You can see Barry, myself and many others at the Battered Mother’s Custody Conference in Albany this January 7-9, http://www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org/.  The stickers are $1 plus shipping – see them at http://www.voicesofmen.org/store.html. 

 

Until the violence stops,

Ben Atherton-Zeman: Feminist, actor, husband

Presenting a one-man anti-violence play “Voices of Men.”  Clips available at http://www.voicesofmen.org, booking info at 978-897-3619.