Discussion List for campus-based and allied personnel working to end gender-based violence on campus.

not to be a fly in the ointment but I think we have to be careful not to say 
that SOME level of coercion is to be expected in all human interaction 

I sometimes get in trouble for this but the simple fact is -- we all 
cajole/coerce/beg -- whatever word you like -- TRY to get people to see our 
side-- respect our needs, etc -- so the line between negotiation and coercion 
is hard.  Is begging coercion?  what about crying?  some women cry when their 
needs are not met and even if it's not intended to manipulate, some men give 
in BECAUSE of the tears.  I don't pretend to discount the power issues or the 
fact that what might be appropriate cajoling for one woman is coercion to 
another 9the old egg-shell skull issue)  person's cajoling is another's 
coercion -- but I like to teach my students that in a collective society, we 
bargain with each other for all sorts of things -- and people manipulate us 
into doing things we don't really want to do all the time -- through 
pressures that sometimes work better because of society's rules-- this is a 
very important idea to develop with young people through hypotheticals and 
acting out real scenes -- often flipping the gender roles to see the students 
squirm -- my favorite idea is to get a scene where the male has finished the 
sex act but the female wants to continue.  The lesson of why autonomy matters 
is very powerful when males see the harm in a female trying to pressure them 
to continue post-ejaculation -- 

biology can explain some of the differences but it is no less powerful to 
flip the gender roles especially when teaching about line-drawing and 
coercion -- 

wendy